I used to think that “giving it all up” or “going without pampering myself“ for those I loved was a sign of good mothering, good financing, good wife. I scrimped on anything that may have been unnecessary to the family as a whole. My haircuts went from pre-family price of $30.oo to $40.oo to the local haircut place on value day of $5.99.  My wardrobe went from dry-clean only to second hand best. My activities changed from dinner on a whim to not partaking of any of the cuisine offered in my local area that didn’t offer a “Happy Meal” on the menu. I thought that I was a strong, smart-minded, frugal gal who had it all together.

What I really was …..well, what I really was a girl on the fast track of becoming a martyr.

We, as a couple, had an outlook on what money was and how it played into our lives that was a bit skewed.  I decided that spending money & time on myself was not a necessity.  So, I forwent the things that were important to me. Logical choice, right?  I gave up clothing from the mall, shoes that had not been stretched out by someone else, haircuts that price ranged in the double digits, real non-dollar-store make up! And I was happy or so I thought.

“You got your own style , now let it come through.  And remember no matter what you got to be you!” (Little Mermaid)

I look back at the days where I was slim and stylish. I actually worked for a no-nonsense boss who would comment on my clothes all the time and I would receive accolades in reference to my style via my friends, etc. I fondly remember a black & white hounds tooth wrap around skirt that I got for a steal at $100.oo. The red jacket that I bought with it was half the price of the skirt. That outfit made me.

Then I slipped into the abyss of martyrdom. I started wearing four-dollar shirts from the local thrift store and bought my mascara from the Piggley Wiggley. Someone else wore my shoes before I did. I was unhampered by things that would pamper me….I was officially a martyr.

“Don’t allow yourself to make others your priority while they make you their option.” (Unknown Author)

I realized through my children who are pre-teen and teens that I needn’t give up “who” I was. I have received countless lectures that THEY want me to have the things that bring  a sense of joy to me. Through them, I have found that they appreciate all I do for them BUT that they will say “I don’t need another shirt, mom,  YOU do”!

I am still frugal but without the limitations I had put on myself.  I used Jergen’s self tanning lotion from Wallie-world. I use Oil Of Olay regenerating lotion. I use actual make-up from other sources but still find some great things at the dollar store. I peruse the local thrift store and have found some “killer deals” on “new” shoes but also purchase elsewhere. I buy it if I love it. I have embraced better who I am today.

And guess what….my Prince Charming tells me all the time now that “you look great!” Which only motivates me to continue to do better at pampering myself.

The hard truth is this….most of us do what is best for the family unit and leave ourselves out of the equation. But the family unit WANTS us to have the things that improve upon ourselves. They want us to look good, feel good, and be the person we were before they came along.

The bottom line: Pamper yourself because you DO deserve it!

Oh how Smitten By LOVES River!

Learn more about her HERE | And read her Advice column HERE.

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