It’s amazing what you learn with a little time under your belt!
There is something about experience that sheds a new light on some of your old perceptions & you now fully understand why the saying “listen to your elders” has soooo much meaning behind it. Experience is everything. I am not by worldly standards a “seasoned” mom but through my 6 years of motherhood I have learned a few things that I wish I would have known when I first started this journey out. In hindsight I think my children have taught me a lot more then I have taught them! I am so thankful for the little people in my life.
Here is the letter I would write to myself if I could go back in time:
My Dear Self,
I wish to share a few things with you that might make this journey a little bit easier for you. Some advice that might save you some stress and anxiety when it comes to the little people that call you mom and who will in a blink of an eye become your whole life!
First things first:
** Remember when you were younger and you used to say “I will never be a parent like my mom” Well, just throw that thought out the door right now. Be prepared to do a lot of things just like your good ol’ mamma and guess what? You’ll realize just how complicated being a mom can be and how great of a mom you really have.
** No matter how many parenting books you read or how well you think you are doing in the “mom” role, there will be people (even people you love dearly) who will feel the need to tell you, very bluntly, you are doing it all wrong. They will criticize how your children act as a direct reflection of the mother you are. You will cry a lot of tears over this BUT don’t! Keep your head up. Keep trying and remember that God placed this child in your life because YOU were exactly what that child needed. That your child is yours by choice, not chance. So, when you get discouraged and don’t know where else to turn try listening to your heart, your soul, your intuition as their mom and you will know what to do. Believe that!
** There will be days where you feel like you are failing as a mother! It’s okay to give yourself permission to close the door to your room and have a good cry or tantrum if you must. Sometimes just letting it all out is the only way to feel better about it.
** Don’t lose who you are because you became a mom. It is not selfish to take sometime for yourself. You should make time to do something you love, along with some one on one time with your spouse. Those are both very important relationships that need your attention, time and love too. Sometimes what is best for you is also what’s best for your kids and family. A happy, healthy mom allows you to be a better mom to your kids.
** You will quickly learn what battles you will fight and the ones you’ll be happy to let slide. You always thought your little people’s clothes would match and their hair would be done each day. Trust me this is a battle not worth fighting. There are days where this must happen, but on the other days, let them be their own independent self. Let them pick their own clothes out. Let them lather their hair in gel or mousse and comb it their selves into a mow-hawk if that makes them happy. One day, looking back at pictures it will bring a smile to your face and some giggles from your kids. Remember to let them be kids!
** Each child comes with their own personality. Embrace it, cherish it, learn from it but more importantly help them grow with it and love them unconditionally in spite of it. Recognize their strengths and recognize their weaknesses and help them make the best of both. Learn the ways they feel loved and appreciated. Learn the ways that are most effective when they need to be disciplined. Each child is unique so parent with that in mind.
** Look into your kids eyes when you talk to them. Get on their level. Let them know that what they have to say is important to you. This is something you will struggle with for a time but one day you’ll wake up and realize just how important it is.
** Sit on the floor and play motorcycles with them. Read them lot’s of books. Sing them songs. (it will melt your heart when they start singing them in their little voice.) Push them on the swing (for hours even though you hate it) Invest your time with them. Make lot’s of memories and laugh often for a day will come when memories will be all you have. Cherish this time while your kids are young because one day you wake up & it’s time to put them on the bus for kindergarten and you’ll cry wondering when your baby got so big.
Last but not least….
** Give yourself more credit my dear! Yes, there are things you might not be doing just right but you are trying your best and sometimes that is all you can do. And that is okay! There will be days where you have no idea what you are doing. There will be days that you receive a little inspiration and rock the mom role. There will be lot’s of days that you just do the best you can as a mom and that is it. None of that makes you a bad mom or a failure. So don’t stay up at night beating yourself up over all that you think you should be doing but aren’t. I promise that all you do and are doing for your kids right now, deems you worthy to be called “mom”. Just think of all the times your little people have said “I lub you, Mom” or wrapped their little arms around your neck for a big hug, or the all the times Beckham says in his gruffy voice “sit by me mom” when he wants you to hold him. Your kids LOVE you! They adore you. Let those little moments be what you reflect on each and every night!
Your amazing, super mom self (LOL)
Kallie is the Creator and Editor of Smitten By.
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